May 20th, 2005


Меня переводят на английский. Приятно!

> My wife was a witch. She has died, having rushed from a window once in the winter. Who knows, what force has pushed her to make this ridiculous suicide. Last days she behaved restlessly. She was rambling through the rooms, sitting at the window, with a lip have been snacked. I tried to ask her what happened, what I could do for her. But she did not wish to talk to me. Looked at me as always recently - with contempt, left in the room and it was locked there for a long time.
> And then she gone. Such every day and simple act. Once to step in emptiness, having chosen death. If she was the madwoman or she was devoured with incurable illness - I could accept this step. But she was absolutely healthy, her unique strangeness was her hobby - occultism. She, however, was interested in it in that stage so that the innocent hobby starts to remind fanaticism.
> Ann’s act has caused me severe sufferings. Over her did not read the burial service in church. In a posthumous note the detailed instruction contained, how she should be buried - on Tushinskiy cemetery, without music and without the priest. In a tomb to throw three pinches of the salt, two wood ashes and four bended nails. Behind a coffin there was her mother, the old half-mad woman. She blamed for Anna's suicide exclusively me. And consequently did not award me even with a sight, proudly carried her own sorrow having stuck out a lower lip. As far as I knew, last years the mother-in-law was constantly put to a bottle, did not leave almost on street and all time spent keeping watching up her neighbors. Loss of the daughter whom honestly she never loved, became for her an opportunity to justify the aimless existence. Subsequently she all has plunged into the misfortune, has made at itself in an apartment an original iconostasis, having pasted over all walls in Anna’s room with!
> her child's photos. I visited her then some times. Each time visit came to an end with a drunken hysterics and cries: « Get away, the murderer! »
> As to me I loved Anna really. I could not believe that she is not here any more. Though a coffin with a body lowered under the ground at my presence, and I personally threw on a cover the lump of the soil… It always seems to me that it is a lie. That Anna is alive. That she just about will appear, call at a door, come from shop, from work, from assembly of the Award.
> To me days of our happiness which very long time ago passed were recollected. Small party at a pond with friends. At that time she has not had time to quarrel with them yet. Celebratory dinners which we arranged sometimes. Subsequently she began to eat the special food prepared under special recipes - any salt and bread, only meat. Our loneliness. I so then missed on our loneliness. Sometimes I simply would like to remain with her together and talk to her about everything, as right at the beginning when we were young. But with the years her other themes, rather than me, began to worry her absolutely. The innocent hobby-occultism with each year became more serious. Instead of me she preferred conversations dialogue with colleagues on the Award. Often came home late. Sometimes after midnight.
> Few times I saw from apart these people, meeting Anna in the evenings. They were distinguished with a special bearing and pride behavior - they looked like they knew something so, that is not known to all rests. And they obviously allocated themselves from crowd. Around of them there were simple people, and they owners of secret knowledge, showed special breed - super people. And all of this irritated me strongly. I tried to discuss with Anna her friends, but each time has come across a blank wall of misunderstanding. I have been told, that, at first, I am too far from this to judge, and, secondly, I am be imperfect myself.
> - Don’t you have too much interest in occult sciences? - I asked the wife because worried about her - she not only kept away from me more and more far, she kept away even from a reality.
> - You worry that your wife becomes a witch?! – she laughed. – There is nothing to worry about. To be a witch is pretty good.
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В интернете появился мем. Кукла убитого полицейским Джорджа Флойда. Люди решили, что кукол делают в США совсем свихнувшиеся участники движения BLM. Оказалось, «великий предприниматель» из России подсуетился. Бизнесмен от Бога из провинции. Причем, он не говорит, сколько заработал. Зато известно,…